Joint sleep with the child: pro and con. How to teach a child to sleep alone

Family is not only a pleasant change in the life of every person, but also a huge responsibility. First of all, it falls on the shoulders of those spouses who decided to have a child and raise a child, because every mistake in their actions can become irreparable.

Generally

Adults periodically return to the discussion of the topic "Joint sleep with a child." Many supporters, but many opponents. While waiting for the first child, all parents buy cribs for toddlers, but later they are often used for other purposes. In the first months, children sleep a lot, provided that there is a mother nearby. It happens that they fall asleep well on their hands, but if after that they put them into the crib, very quickly wake up, cry.

Doctors during patronage advise young parents on how to feed, what care to provide, where to sleep a child. They advise from the first days to teach the child to a separate crib. Sleepless nights with babies exhaust parents both physically and psychologically. Soon some women, waving their hands at theoretical knowledge on parenting, put the child to bed. So, we discuss the topic "Joint sleep with a child: pro and con."

The arguments that a joint dream is permissible

Breasts at night are often applied to the chest, with a joint sleep it is very convenient. Mom does not need to walk from his bed to the bed, feed sitting, where there is a risk of dropping the child tired, falling asleep on the run woman.

1. Mom has the opportunity to sleep at night.
2. Near the mother, the baby is warm, which is important for its imperfect heat transfer. After cooling the body contributes to the development of the stress hormone. In addition, the child feels safe and develops normally.
3. There is no risk that the baby suffocates, wrapped in many blankets in the cold season.
4. There is a regulation of the breathing of the newborn next to the regular rhythm of the mother's breathing.
5. When mother practices joint sleep with a child, breastfeeding in bed, it is noted that the baby's superficial sleep (first and second stage) prevails. It is physiologic, helps prevent the stopping of breathing and the syndrome of sudden child death.
6. The child's brain grows and develops during the phase of superficial sleep. By propagating the separation of the mother and the baby, people do not use the inherent capacity of the brain to continuously develop, limiting them.
7. If a child sleeps with his parents, he is much more relaxed, less cries. If he starts to toss, Mom immediately reacts and calms. When organizing a child's sleep in a separate bed, in a separate room, she can not react quickly to crying, the baby has a higher level of the stress hormone, he can not calm down for a long time.
8. Mom worries less if the baby sleeps nearby.

What do the opponents of joint sleep say?

1. The child has a risk of pinching. It's impossible. If the mother does not drink alcohol, sleeping pills, she, being in a state of sleep, reacts to the slightest movement of her child.
2. The arguments about the complex intimate life of parents. This issue can be solved.
3. The child is too attached to his mother. Attachment to parents will always be, but the psychological consequences of a child's sleep can be avoided separately.

More and more people are talking about the benefits of sleeping with a child. But there are cases when you do not need to do this:

1. When parents use alcohol, drugs, sleeping pills, when smoking.
2. If parents have infectious diseases.

Parents decide for themselves which sleep they will choose. You can choose and compromise: cots for kids to put next.

About cots

If you can not decide what kind of cot to buy, then the most rational decision at first will be using a stroller with a detaching cradle. By tapping a crumb in it, you move it to the right place without shifting. It is possible to move with the stroller, for example, to the parents' bed. Months to three, she can replace your crib. We do not recommend buying all kinds of cradles, cradles with canopies, laces, as they are not only beautiful, but also dangerous to use, especially when the baby starts to sit down.

What kind of cots for children from the year you can buy? You can buy a model-transformer, which can be fastened to the edge of your bed. Such constructions are more expensive, but very convenient to use when sleeping together. Still manufacturers offer cots-arenas with music, rotating mobile phones, night lamps, changing board. They have a minus: often the mattress does not meet orthopedic requirements. And high cost. There is a cot-cocoon, but this is irrational, it is used only up to four months. While theorists speculate, merchants offer, moms are looking for answers and solutions.

A good compromise is still a crib. The child constantly feels near to itself mum, therefore is stronger sleeps. If the baby is disturbed at night, a woman needs only to reach out to calm him. You can feed your child without getting up. At the same time, he sleeps as if separately, gradually brought to sleep, separate from his parents. When choosing a crib, we must take into account that it must be securely attached to the parent's bed, adjusted in height, and be static. To sleep in it the kid can till two years.

Children's dream

Newborn babies sleep a lot, for 19-20 hours. From 1 month of sleep becomes shorter, from 6 months - even shorter. By the year the child sleeps twice a day. The dream takes 13-14 hours. How to lay a child to sleep a year? For a night's sleep - no later than 21 hours, in the afternoon gradually transfer to a one-time sleep. During the transition to some days a child can sleep twice a day, in some - 1 time, depending on the state of health. Try at this time to avoid falling asleep with a bottle, with a sweet drink. Do not make a war when preparing for bed, come up with rituals for the laying process, for example quiet games with toys, muffled light in the room, bathing before going to bed, light massage, a lullaby for babies is an ancient sleeping pill.

Since ancient times these songs have been endowed with mystical properties. People believed that every mother should come up with a unique melody for the child, words-amulet. Times have changed, but lullabies continue to live, help to calm the child, in some ways even influence his upbringing. Hyperactivity, crying, capriciousness, aggression from the baby say that he is tired and wants to sleep, react to it correctly. You can take him in your arms. In this situation, a lullaby song for kids in the performance of the mother will be very useful - the child will gradually calm down and go to sleep.

Those who are above

Older children can read or tell tales for the night. Gradually, it will become a favorite ritual of the child before going to bed. Since the age of two, many children listen with pleasure and repeat short stories for the night: "Ryabu Kuroka", "Repka", "Kolobok" and others. Fairy tales are very attractive for children, because it is not just a text, it's like a small representation, including gestures, singing, moments of theatrical play. The tale can be told every evening, interpreting events, descriptions, enriching it with new details. From this, the interest of the child does not disappear, but increases. The Kid is waiting for new details, calms down and listens attentively, which helps to quickly fall asleep.

"Settlement" in a separate cot

The child grows up, parents think about the fact that a joint dream with a child up to what age is permissible. What do I do when I reach this age? How to teach a child to sleep alone?

From birth to three months, children need to be constantly next to their mother, hear the blows of her heart, feel the warmth of her body, they do not separate themselves from their mother. Up to 6 months the child is completely dependent on the care of the mother. After this age, night feeding increases. From birth to a year or two, breastfeeding is considered the norm, the child often continues to sleep with the parents. After weaning the children from the breast, they can easily be taught to sleep separately. But from two to four years old children are tormented by night fears, for this reason they want to sleep with their mother, to see her presence, which must be taken into account when moving to sleep separately from their parents.

Based on the experience of individual families, it can be concluded that it is better to do this during the crisis of three years (in 2.5-3 years), when the child increasingly begins to say: "I myself." At this age, adults usually do not need help with a pot. But this does not mean that immediately after the third birthday, we must start to drastically abolish children from sleeping together. Organize this process gradually.

You can buy a crib for dolls, start putting toys together with a child, sing lullabies together and tell tales. Then buy a crib for the baby. If it does not already exist, take with them to the children's store, choose with them. At home, collecting a crib, "lodge" her favorite toy. Start with a day's sleep in it, gradually translating to the night. The child can wake up at night, cry, ask for parents, fulfill his request, let him sleep with you, gradually it will come to naught. Do not combine the transition process with excommunication, with a painful condition, the birth of a second child, when moving to a new place of residence, during the placement in a kindergarten. Do not rush to keep the baby away from yourself. Children grow up quickly. There will come a time when you with tenderness remember the time when the baby was snoring nearby.

A little more about the childhood dream

You have been transferring a child for a long time to a separate dream, but the child does not sleep in his crib. The reasons can be different, analyze the following and "try on" for yourself.

1. An ill-conceived ritual of preparing for bed.
2. Night chill if the child is constantly exposed. You can advise to sew on the upper corners of the blanket buttons and buttons that fasten, clutching the fence of the crib. The blanket will always be in place, no matter how the child tries to throw it off.
3. Fear. Think about what it can be related to, remove the cause.
4. Hunger. Do not bed to sleep hungry.
5. Frequent diseases, which require increased attention from parents.
6. The child's unwillingness to get rid of the habit of sleeping with his parents. Here you need to show patience, persistence, consistency, organizing a gradual transition.

Possible solutions to the problem

Try the following:

1. To lay on a dream in strictly allotted time. Regime stick to the holy.
2. Organize daytime sleep only in a baby cot.
3. Think about the ritual of going to bed. For an hour and a half before sleep, the situation in the house should be calm, measured. For example, a walk before going to bed, dinner, quiet games, reading books, putting to bed in accordance with the elaborate ritual. Do not scream, do not scandal, do not explode if the child refuses to go to bed separately from you.
4. Try not to abuse motion sickness.
5. Allow to take your favorite toys to the crib, they bring a sense of security, because the child treats them like living people. Allow to take in the crib as many toys as the baby wants. You can take your favorite books. This is normal.
6. Use a nightlight as children are afraid of the dark.
7. Do not put the sleeping child in the crib. When he wakes up one night, he will be frightened.
8. It is advisable to insulate the crib with a screen, curtain, put in another room. The child should have a separate sleeping area, if it is closed, it is a signal that it is time to sleep.
9. Establish the rule: after the completion of all the rituals of retirement, after a fairy tale and the wish for a good night, it is no longer possible to wander around the apartment. The child must understand that the requirements are serious, he will not pity his parents. Some children are scared to fall asleep alone, they start asking to drink, go to the toilet, complain that the stomach is hurting, noise from the street is interfering - all this is done in order to get the parents' attention, to start manipulating them. It also upsets the dream. In such a situation it is necessary without a scandal, silently bring the child to bed. Do not swear, comfort, comfort, because it is required of the parents. If several times you take the child to the bed silently, he will understand that mom and dad will not depart from their demands, that it is time to sleep.

Young parents can be advised to study the book "Joint sleep with a child. Guide for Parents "by James McKenna. In it, the question of the child's dream next to the mother is discussed and is not subject to doubt. The author justifies his opinion.

At birth, in connection with the change of environment, the child experiences severe stress: the knock of the mother's heart, emotional and biochemical exchange, a single physiological rhythm has disappeared. All this is very frightening to the newborn. The author claims that in order to avoid the consequences of this situation, the child must constantly be next to his mother. Regarding the popular opinion that the baby can be crushed in a dream, James gives recommendations on how to avoid this. He also pays attention to what can happen at night when a helpless child in a separate crib is left to himself. It's the noise and shadows in the room that can scare; Bugs, sitting down on crumbs, and causing anxiety; A leg caught between the rods; A blanket covering with a head and blocking air access. The author claims that putting a child one night is tantamount to a crime.

If the baby sleeps with the mother, it senses the warmth of her body, her smell, hears her breathing, he rarely cries, he does not produce cortisol - a stress hormone, so the number of heartbeats does not increase, the uptake of oxygen is not reduced, Growth. The child gets rid of constant stress, develops well, gaining weight, early reveals his abilities, at an older age it is not conflict. At a mother at close physical contact breast milk is well developed. Joint sleep with parents brings father and child closer, forms mutual affinity with them, love. McKenna reminds readers that people have slept with their children for centuries. And only civilization has introduced many strange recommendations from the standpoint of pedagogy, often based on pseudoscientific research. The author writes in the book about the experience of raising children in the family of his parents, that there were not applied Spock's newfangled recommendations, according to which many families raise their kids.

Finally

Unfortunately, intuition does not tell many parents what newborn babies feel and feel. Maternal instinct, which should be trusted, often can not get through from the layers of all kinds of information, conventions, prejudices. Having been born into another world, the child is in a state of comfort in the arms of the mother or next to her. Granted to himself, left unattended, he experiences the experience of dying, falling. Here we mean not only a joint dream with a child, but also a question of teaching children how to handle. Nature has programmed the babies to sleep with their mother, it does not depend on how the baby is nourished: breast milk or a mixture. If this need is not realized, it is a time bomb waiting in the wings. It can appear at any age. As an example: the fear of night loneliness leads to the fact that someone starts a lot of pets and allows them to sleep with themselves, someone suffers their unfortunate marriage for fear of remaining alone in bed at night. This fear is not realized, it is on a subconscious level. Mom, who are afraid to spoil children with a joint sleep, you need to think whether they want a sad fate for your child.