Dysfunctional families and their impact on children

Do you feel comfortable in your family? A house is a fortress, this is a place where it's safe, comfortable, where you feel mutual understanding, love and harmony. But, to my great regret, not all families can be said that way.

Sometimes in the home circle there are problems in the relationship, the material and emotional needs of each other are ignored, prevailing despotic communication. Such cells of society are called unsuccessful. A more scientific and less offensive term is "dysfunctional families". In the article, we will consider their features, characteristics, types and influence on other members.

No matter how insulting it may be, it may be about you or your family? Do you need to revise your behavior and ways of communication? After all, they form the personality of children, who later can become "difficult."

What family can be called dysfunctional?

The concept of a dysfunctional family can be deciphered as follows. This is a microsociety in which cruel rules and destructive behavior that are not changing with time are used and encouraged. And this can be typical not only for one person, but for all members of the family. In such an environment, there is no respect, the value of the individual, the recognition of merit, the opportunity to speak openly about one's desires. Any problems are usually not discussed, do not dare and hide from other people.

As a consequence, members of a dysfunctional family can not meet their needs for personal and spiritual growth, self-actualization, development, and the load gets a sense of inferiority and other psychological problems.

Such a cell of society is not able to properly perform its functions (economic-household, material, reproductive, educational, emotional, controlling, spiritual communication, and others).

Factors of formation of a dysfunctional family

As you know, dysfunctional families do not appear on their own. Several factors contribute to this.

• Socio-economic. This is a low material status, irregular incomes, low-paid and non-prestigious work, poor living conditions.

• Criminal. Drug addiction, alcoholism, immoral lifestyle, the presence of criminal records, domestic debauches, the manifestation of sadism and ill-treatment towards family members.

• Socio-demographic. These families are incomplete, having many children, with paternal and adopted children, remarriage and elderly parents.

• Medico-social. One or more family members have chronic disorders, disabilities and other illnesses (from depression to cancer). This factor also includes adverse environmental conditions, harmful work, neglect of hygienic and sanitary norms. These features of dysfunctional families are often associated with the following factor.

• Socio-psychological. These are pedagogically illiterate families, with deformed value orientations, destructive and conflictual relations of spouses, children and parents. Usually one or more forms of violence are observed (physical, emotional, neglect, sexual). In principle, a factor can be many psychological problems. For example, some kind of undefiled grief that prevents marital functions and childcare.

Of course, this does not mean that a family with many children or with low earnings is necessarily unsuccessful. Even in this situation, a loving and harmonious atmosphere can reign in the house. All factors must be viewed from different angles. But it is worth considering that in aggregate they give only an amplifying effect.

Features of dysfunctional families

Usually, in a dysfunctional environment, you can find complex and strained relationships. For example, divorced or conflicting parents, father or mother, not involved in the upbringing of children, a chronic dislike between relatives. Constant quarrels, a week's silence after them, and sometimes even fights - are common for a destructive family.

In such microgroups, especially in men, there are often problems with drugs or alcohol. Women often suffer from psychosomatic health disorders, which they call chronic and intractable diseases. Of course, they will not be confirmed during the examination, because such problems simply "sit in your head". But the blame for their diseases, women shift to other family members (including children), deftly manipulating behavior and directing it in the right direction.

Dysfunctional families are characterized by cyclicity. In it lies the cause of unfitness. All rules and behavioral patterns go from one family to another through generations. That is, thinking is simply inherited from ancestors. It is because of him in the generations of families that these or other tragedies happen.

For example, the mother was too cared for and manipulated by her son. There is nothing surprising in that from it will grow a dependent man who does not have his own opinion. Or another example. If the father was an alcoholic, the daughter with almost 100% probability will marry the same person. And this will not be an accident, the choice will take place on a subconscious level. Of course, this can be avoided if the problem is recognized in time.

What is inherent in a dysfunctional family

Consider what are the signs of a dysfunctional family, according to which one can judge about unfitness.

• Denial of existing problems and preservation of illusions.
• Conflict in the relationship. Scandals are constantly repeated, but the problems are not discussed and are not solved.
• Absoluteness of control and power.
• The polarity of emotions, feelings and judgments.
• Absence of differentiation of one's own "I". If the dad is in a bad mood, then it will be like that for everyone.
• There is no close communication. It is not customary to discuss personal problems directly.
• The ban on the expression of feelings, especially negative (anger, resentment, discontent). Most often it concerns children.
• A rigid system of requirements and rules.
• The family rarely or completely does not spend time together.
• Excessive use of alcohol or drugs.
• Co-dependency. This condition is inherent in the relatives of a person who is a slave of alcohol or drugs. This is a huge stress for all family members. They are forced to build their lives in accordance with what, when and in what quantities will their loved one use. That is why the dysfunctional family and codependence are inextricably linked.
• The presence of a common secret, which no one can tell. It's about hiding the criminal past, chemical dependence and other shortcomings of the family.
• Isolation. It is not accepted to go to visit and receive them at home. Therefore, there is often an excessive fixedness in communication with each other.

Roles in a disharmonious family

Proceeding from these signs, it can be concluded that there are certain roles in the destructive microsocium. And they are strictly forbidden to change them. Such attempts are immediately suppressed at the root.

So, what are the roles in the dysfunctional family? Usually parents act as oppressors towards children, feeling absolute power and control. And those, in turn, become oppressed. Although there are often situations where the husband suppresses his wife or vice versa.

Parents feel themselves the masters of the child and determine what is right or wrong and how they should act. Adults do not believe that an emotional family should exist in a happy family. In children, obedience is primarily valued, because they must be "comfortable." The will is regarded as stubbornness, which must immediately be broken. Otherwise, the parents will lose control of the situation, and the child will come out from under their oppression.

Also one can not express one's opinion and ask why it is necessary to obey all adults. This is a violation of the rules of a destructive family, an encroachment on the power and sanctity of parents. To feel safe and somehow survive, children believe that adults are good, and unconditionally fulfill all of their requirements. Only in adolescence, a child begins to criticize parents and resist tough rules. Then the "most interesting" begins.

Also, dysfunctional families are characterized by a predilection for force and violence. And it can be physical, emotional, sexual and expressed in the dissatisfaction of needs (parents can punish with hunger, make them walk in ragged clothes, and so on). If the child has acted badly, got a deuce in school or disobeyed - immediately followed by a kick, blow or other cruel punishment.

Poor children for a lifetime receive psychological trauma. Often against this background, the desire for victimization is developing. This is an unconscious desire to act as a victim, a willingness to become a slave. For example, a woman-servant, a battered wife, cohabitation with an alcoholic, marriage to a domineering woman and so on.

The rules of three "not"

Dysfunctional families live according to their cruel rules, but they usually boil down to three requirements.

1. Do not feel. You can not openly express your feelings, especially negative ones. If you do not like something - be quiet. Also, in dysfunctional families, one rarely sees hugs or kisses.

2. Do not talk. You can not discuss problems and taboo topics. The most common prohibition is a conversation about sexual needs. It is not accepted to express your thoughts, requests and desires directly. For this, allegories and manipulations are used. For example, the wife wants her husband to wash the dishes. But she will not ask for it directly, but will only hint and express dissatisfaction. Or another case. Mom says to her daughter: "Tell your brother to take out the garbage." People from destructive families do not speak anything in person, they do not know how to ask for help. Therefore, they do so bypassing and using intermediaries.

3. Do not trust. Not only do dysfunctional families not know how to solve conflicts themselves, they do not discuss them with others and do not seek help. Such microgroups are more likely to live in social isolation. Therefore, all the forces are spent on maintaining the false image of an exemplary family.

Here are some examples of common rules.

• You can not have fun. In disharmonious families it is believed that having fun, enjoying life, playing, resting and rejoicing is bad and even sinful.

• "Do as you are told, and not as I do." Children copy the behavior of adults. But parents often scold and punish a child for behaving like them. People do not like to notice their shortcomings, but the children are waiting for the impossible. Here is an example. Mom explains to his son that in the evening one should behave quietly and try not to make noise, as neighbors are resting and can already sleep. And then a drunken father arrives home, starts throwing out furniture and yelling loudly. How to understand the child that you can not make noise in the evenings?

• Faith in unrealizable hopes. This habit manifests itself in excessive dreaminess and can occur in all members of the family. "We will wait a little, something will necessarily happen, and everything will be fine with us."

Types of destructive families

Types of dysfunctional families can be considered from a position of development (degradation) of such a microsocium.

An inharmonious family. Characterized by actual inequality, restriction of personal growth and coercion, when one exploits the other.

Destructogenic family. For this type of conflict, excessive independence and autonomy, irresponsibility of emotional attachments, lack of mutual assistance and cooperation are inherent.

The collapsing family. It is characterized by an extremely high conflict, which over time covers more and more spheres of life. Family members stop performing their functions and duties, but they are kept together by a common living space. Marriage of spouses, in principle, broke up, but so far there is no legal registration.

The broken family. The husband and wife have divorced, but even then they may be forced to perform certain functions. It is about the material support of former spouses, a common child and the upbringing of children. Often the communication of such a family continues to be accompanied by serious conflicts.

In these dysfunctional types of families can not be attributed one species, it will be considered separately.

Pseudo harmonic family

At first glance, such a family is no different from happy. She seems to care about the child, is capable of material support, and everyday activities seem to be an established system. Quite normal to itself a life. However, if you drop the first impression, then behind the wall of external prosperity you can see serious problems.

Usually one person establishes undemocratic rules and requirements, for the non-fulfillment of which strict and cruel punishments follow. This style of management does not involve the involvement of other family members in decision-making. Therefore, they are not asked what they would like. The household does not have emotional attachments and love, the relationship is more like a usurper system. Functional and dysfunctional families, though similar in appearance, but from within you can see all the problems.

Strangely enough, but such a microsociety can survive long enough, even all life. And most of all children will suffer from this if they do not change the situation in time.

How does life in a dysfunctional family change a child?

Children from the destructive environment receive psychological trauma, which in the future can manifest themselves in the form of many problems. It is self-doubt, neurotic disorders, dependencies of all kinds, difficulties with trust and social adaptation, inability to build close relationships with friends and the opposite sex. The list can be continued indefinitely.

Children in dysfunctional families learn to survive through the mechanisms of psychological protection. They create an illusion of attachment and love around themselves, idealize and minimize these feelings. Anger and hatred often spill over onto objects, friends and loved ones. Feelings are denied and clouded, as a result of which a person can become indifferent to everything.

The destructive environment teaches the child to deceive, condemn, present to itself the overestimated requirements, to be the supervisor, too responsible or, on the contrary, careless. For such people, any changes are painful, especially those that are beyond their control. They often seek support and approval, but they do not know how to accept praise. Children from an unhappy environment can not appreciate themselves, enjoy life and have fun. The family is created early and according to the already known pattern, that is, according to the behavior of the parents.

Features of working with a dysfunctional family

Psychologists and other specialists in working with such families face a number of problems. Usually they are not ready to talk openly about their lives, and the awareness of some things is perceived painfully. Some relatives discourage change, because they condemn counselor's recommendations and do not allow them to perform. Spouses have no idea about the correct role behavior in the family, and training takes years.

The first step to solving the problem is her awareness. If you understand that everything is not good in your home environment, and want to have a happy family, then everything is not lost. It's never too late to change, the main thing is to start.