How to throw a person out of your head? Psychologist's advice

Without suffering, it is impossible to feel the taste of life, to learn to appreciate it and rejoice in every little thing. Trials temper the character, give impetus to creative development, form sensitivity to understanding the experiences of other people, but each time, faced with the loss of relationships, one asks how to forget the person you love. Psychology comes to the rescue, giving advice, allowing to accept the current situation.

Love coming

Even the most tender and sincere relationship can end, because human feelings are impermanent and do not always lend itself to reasonable explanation. When people are in love or blinded by passion, they are uncritical to the arising everyday problems, the difference in upbringing, the perception of life, the shortcomings of one's partner. On one senses it is impossible to build something lasting and lasting, which means that one must be prepared for the fact that sooner or later they will end. Various studies "give away" passions from three to eight years. It should be replaced by mutual respect, cooperation, and spiritual closeness.

But no one is immune from the fact that one of the partners does not flare up new feelings for another person, or he will not begin to feel uncomfortable in the existing relationship. It is easier for those who first fell out of love or first decided to part ways. And how to forget the former beloved person to someone who was not ready for such a development of events, whose feelings are still alive, for it is impossible to fall out of love at the same time with a wave of a magic wand. The first and most important step that needs to be taken is to recognize the right of everyone to choose and make an independent decision. It is impossible to hold a person around him, appealing to his promises, former confessions and a sense of duty.

And the common expression "to fight for love" has nothing to do with exerting pressure on a partner. It is rather a call to manifest one's own feelings, so that a person has an understanding that he is loved. But it's up to him to decide how important it is for him.

Unpromising relationship

At the very beginning of a relationship, there is always the opportunity to interrupt them, if one of the partners does not see the prospects for their development. In such novels, vulnerable people are often involved, with reduced self-esteem and fear of loneliness. Instead of developing - to work on appearance, intellect, professional career - a person rushes to meet the adventurous development of events. There will be no question of how to throw a person out of your head if you stop in time. Unpromising relationships can be an informed choice of both: a resort or service romance, a purely sexual relationship, mutual use of each other (teacher-student, leader-subordinate).

It does not insure against the fact that one of the partners does not get into psychological dependence and will not suffer after the severance of the relationship. There are examples where such attitudes turn into real feelings, but this is always a risk that a person goes quite consciously. However, there are cases when this happens unconsciously, if one of the parties stubbornly ignores the signs of unpromising relations, on which one should stop:

• Obvious flaws or habits with which the partner is not ready to put up in the hope of changing the situation and "re-education".
• Inequality in social status, age, level of development.
• A person, most likely, will have to face the problem of how to forget a loved one if parents or other significant people are opposed to the relationship with him.
• Unequal contribution to the development of relations (emotional, financial, personal).
• Lack of mutual interests (besides sex).

Stages of Suffering

When parting, a person must be prepared for the fact that it is impossible to leave the relationship with a joyful smile. He has to go through all the stages of mourning, which are akin to the care of a loved one from life, because now it is really necessary to live without the previous format of communication. What are the stages?

• A state of shock and numbness. Especially when the decision to part ways is taken by surprise. It can last several days.
• Denial of reality. Instead of solving the problem of how to throw a person out of his head, the partner often tries to find out the relationship, refusing to believe in what is happening. The stage can last for a month or more.
• Adopting the current situation and experiencing the real pain of loss. It can last about six months.
• Relieving suffering, moving them to the background in the name of other tasks and realities of life.

Basic Myths

One of the main misconceptions of man is the assertion that time heals. As one can not jump over the important stages of mourning, it is impossible not to be sad at heart for the loss of a once close person. This is another reason not to make dubious experiments on yourself when you get involved in a relationship without a future. But time teaches everyone to overcome pain and store it in the deep storehouses of the soul, allowing a person to live and fulfill his needs. Even with the loss of close relatives, acute pain is dulled and receded into the background after a period of six months to a year.

The second misconception is that the wedge can only be knocked out with a wedge, which means it is necessary to rush into new relationships as quickly as possible. First, it is dishonest in relation to a partner who acts as a pill and does not deserve to be used only because someone is suffering from mental suffering. And secondly, it's not fair to yourself: after not having completed all the stages of mourning, without making the necessary conclusions about the reasons for parting, a person will constantly step on the same rake, again solving the problem of how to throw a person out of his head.

Treacherous "if only ..."

Relief will come only when the partner will manage to accept the current situation and reconcile with the decision of the second party. What prevents it most of all? Paradoxically, hope, the belief that something else can be changed, correct the situation, replay events, words, actions. If the partner has a gentle character, he gives a second chance, then a third, but as a result, both spend time, nerves and destroy their own personality. Often this decision allows the second side to "beat" the first and cope with parting to the detriment of one's own interests and feelings. The first became easier, and the second one has aggression and hatred of the one who simply took advantage of them. It's always easier to leave yourself than to be cast.

How to throw a loved one out of your head so as not to sow destruction and hatred around you? Respect the decision of a partner and do not try to find the guilty party. Feelings go not because someone is better, but someone is worse. This is because the two in the relationship is uncomfortable. Do not think about "if ..." and rush into the past. One should focus on what needs to be changed in the future.

Who is guilty?

The destruction of relations is always the responsibility of two. People failed or did not want to overcome difficulties and misunderstandings. Resentment is a child's reaction to the expectations that have not been fulfilled, but the partner can not be responsible for not fully meeting the expectations of others. When love falls and rose-colored glasses fall , everyone is free to decide whether he or she is on the way with this person. The inability to accept it as it is is not love, but human egoism and personal ambitions. A partner always has a choice: to stay or to leave. To remain is to accept a person with all his shortcomings.

During a romantic relationship, anyone tries to look better than he really is, so you need to be more attentive to the moments that a person behaves with other people. If he comes out of previous relationships, behaving in an unworthy manner, one can predict what will happen when his feelings for a new passion cool down. To overcome grievances, do not stir up the past, the main motto should be the slogan "Do not remember." The first step on this path is to refuse to find the culprit in the destruction of relations.

Favorite Activities

Memories overwhelm us when there are pauses in our activities. The best thing is to switch to work, a hobby or an additional education. The main condition is that the affair should be loved and demanded self-giving. The day must be planned so that there is no time left for idle pastime. If it's a vacation that can not be rescheduled, it's best to go on a trip. New impressions excite the brain and cause positive emotions, which are so necessary when it is necessary to find an answer to the question of how to throw a person out of your head.

Music that has a therapeutic effect helps a lot. Be sure to plan outlets for the concerts of your favorite bands, make clips for their best songs, discuss the new album released on the forum. All this is possible if the main condition is met - getting rid of the hope for a phone call, changing the decision or the mood of a loved one. It can happen, but let it be a surprise when life will show how partners can do without each other. And then the decision will already be accepted by the one whom they left. In the meantime, you should delete the correspondence and stop trying to find answers to today's questions in past words.

Friends

At the first stage, it can be difficult for a person to just get out of bed and leave the house. I want to be alone and cry. This is normal. Otherwise how to forget the person you love? Psychology describes the cases when the process is delayed, and people lose control over the situation. In these moments, the help of friends is needed, which should be addressed. They are not only able to listen and support a friend, but also help to organize leisure without leaving unnecessary free time. True friends will not decide for a person, giving one or another advice, but will focus on increasing self-esteem, which suffers in the first place.

There is an opinion that one should get rid of all things that remind of a once loving person. Sometimes it is painful to do, so you can simply put everything in one box or box, put it in a distant place. Time heals to the extent that after a certain period the acute phase of pain passes, and a person is able to make a decision not on emotions, whether to wear a once-gifted bracelet or not. In many respects this will depend on whether the partner has found the strength not only to accept the situation, but also to forgive another person.

Forgiveness

In a few months, anyone is able to ask himself the main question: what's the most upsetting parting in his separation. Love is not always the cause of experience. It can be resentment, disappointment, fear of loneliness or a desire at any cost to achieve the desired - to return a partner, for example. At this time, you can already abandon the rule "Do not remember", because turning to the past will not bring painful experiences. An honest conversation with oneself is very important to be ready to build new relationships, to draw the right conclusions from past mistakes. The last step should be the forgiveness of a once-beloved person, for this you must try to put yourself in his place.

In psychology, there is a method of family therapy, called the method of permutations by Hellinger, which helps in building relations between spouses. One of the principles is an attempt to analyze the actions and feelings of a partner. The method leads to an amazing discovery: even a loving partner who skillfully hides his true experiences behind a mask of indifference or indifference, in the soul experiences a feeling of guilt, discomfort and discontent with himself. He also hurts and difficult to give a decision on parting, so the other has no choice but to forgive and forget a man with whom he simply was not on his way in this life. And forgiveness is not so much for a partner as for yourself, to doom the necessary harmony and peace.

Only after going all this way, a person is ready for happiness waiting for him around the corner.