To make our children happy

To our children Were Happy  

When children are born, from the first days of their lives they begin to copy their parents in everything: in speech, behavior, gestures, communication with people. If we really want to educate a healthy and happy person, we should behave like we teach our child. Creating a certain image of an ideal person in the child's mind does not make sense, so first of all we must strive to become better and kinder, changing the direction of our mind. The main task of parents in the upbringing of the child should be a sincere desire to lead him to an understanding of how to become happy in this world. About this, perhaps, we will talk.

Very often we want to solve the problem with the upbringing of the child, simply transferring it to bail to the kindergarten, school, college, institute. Putting a child to storage is not an option, because he is not a thing, but a living being, like you. If you were given now to be brought up in some kind of environment, and you would not know how to behave, how to talk with others about what to say, the mores of this society, which is the norm, and what is not, you would surely suffer In this place, feeling that something is wrong around you. And imagine what a child who is just beginning to learn the world, people, nature and his perception already from the first steps starts to go in the wrong direction, because his parents simply did not tell it to him, transferring it to Aunt Klava from the neighboring entrance. The parent is an example in everything, this is the teacher number one. But what happens in our real life. People stop appreciating art, classical music, reading books, spirituality, morals, ethics, and instead prefer to smoke, drink, prick, giving a "best" example for their even born children. Think about the fact that if a child at least once hears a mate from you, he sees you with a cigarette or a bottle, he will understand, and most importantly, will remember that it's normal, because this is my mother or my dad. BUT! When in a few years you catch him with a beer or with a cigarette, and he will send you far away, then only you will be to blame. We have a huge responsibility for whether our child will become happy or not, whether he will become kind, sympathetic, useful to people or become a degenerate, sitting at the computer with a bottle of beer and chips. Start thinking, friends!

Remember dear parents that there is very little time to help children. Approximately 10 years of life and you miss the child, he will run away like sand through his fingers. Do you want to see your son or daughter in the future as a drug addict or an alcoholic? I think no. Then understand that we should first of all look inside ourselves, understand what our disadvantages are and how to deal with them. After all, in the future all our qualities will be copied by the child and will not only carry your cargo, but yours.

In the first year of the child's life, the parents appear in the mind of the child as deities that everyone can. If the child sees that mom and dad smile, rejoice, they are happy, then the child in the subconscious is laid the knowledge that a person is a being that wants and, most importantly, can be happy.

How to become happy? A person must cultivate a sense of empathy, called empathy. The indifference of people does not give anything positive for others. A person can calmly pass by a dying old man or a girl who is raped by a maniac, while thinking that this does not concern him. Every day you have to ask yourself: "Who am I?" Or "What am I?". Living away from everyone with your eyes closed or helping those who need it so much. To understand this, a person should think about this from childhood, parents, friends, relatives should help him. We must develop in ourselves a healthy spirit endowed with happiness that goes to all people without creating any concepts about this or that person. Whether we are happy or not depends on how satisfied and happy is our mind, our thoughts. Of course, it would be good to maintain healthy our body and energy level, because it also depends on how the mind will behave in certain situations.

Sport, a healthy lifestyle, bath, massage, gymnastics, tempering should become the norm of behavior for both you and your child. Create healthy families, make love, breathe a full chest with clean air and then the world around you will shine.

Alcohol, drugs, empty chatter cloud the mind of a person who does not see anything and no one around him, becomes a pacifier, unable to think, feel and empathize. Ask yourself the question: how often on a rough statement or act in your address you react with patience, love and understanding of the inner state of this person. The fact that we are unhappy depends on if we have such darkened emotions as jealousy, pride, affection and hatred. These four emotions make a person unhappy. I would like to give some examples of these emotions in our daily life.

Jealousy: the jealousy of a husband or wife; Jealousy of someone else's toy; Envy that she or he has a better car, home, work; Jealousy and greed for the wealth and happiness of others

PRIDE: statements like "I'm steeper", "I'm smarter", "I'm richer", exalting myself above others, scorning the weak and defenseless, humiliating them, unwillingness and inability to recognize my cons and defeats, unwillingness and inability to admit that I'm wrong.

Attachment: "I love this toy more than anything in the world", "I can not without my favorite phone and car", "I want these earrings and a dress, I dreamed them for the third night." The loss of the object of clinging leads to frustration, distress, to put it simply, unfortunately.

HATE: "I hate you," "you're a freak," "I'll kill you," "I do not want to see you anymore." Anger is the most powerful feeling that can burn a person's inner world , making him nervous, irritable. Do not evaluate or blame people, do not offend and you will receive love and good, you will become kind and happy and will not be concerned about trifles and trivialities of life, which sometimes we attach too much importance.

In its flow of mind it is necessary to cultivate the good states that are the foundation of a happy life, such as joy, love, compassion, patience, responsibility for others, develop wisdom, understanding of what is happening around.

Re-educating your mind and helping your children in this help is whether a person understands the difference between noble feelings and ignoble feelings, whether he develops the quality of his consciousness or not. Of course, you need to start with yourself, and only then help the child in the correct understanding of the life position. Recognition and development of your state precedes any advice and moralizing, both your child and the people around you. The ability to look inside, relax, enjoy life is something that parents have to develop in the child. When a child is left alone, this does not mean that you throw it, make it lonely and incapable of making decisions or being an outcast in the future. At the moment of loneliness, a person discovers where his "I" resides, where the external world, where the inner world is in a state of contemplation, is at rest. Have you ever thought about the meaning of the word "rest", how often do you stay in it, what is the reason for the inability to stop, where does this constant desire to run somewhere, look for something? In fact, you do not need to run anywhere and search, too, you have to look for all the answers inside, outside only questions that create fuss, problems, misunderstanding.

I would like to give an example of how parents are trying to help a child calm down when he is upset. Imagine a situation where a child lies in a crib and cries. At this point, he really experiences and suffers, this is a powerful feeling, not a game. Instead of calming the child, to understand his condition, we try to shift his attention to any external object. The parent starts shaking convulsively in the face of a rattle, clapping his hands, dancing in a squat or doing some other awkward deeds. Do you think that the child has calmed down, the problem is solved? But this is not so. Consciousness is programmed in this very interesting way. When in the future the child will have problems, experiences, sufferings, his consciousness will not follow the path of calm, it will seek another object of distraction. Thus, the flow of unresolved problems will be intensified and intensified, turning into a huge coma. The mind of any being is a continuous stream of thoughts, giving thousands of solutions. The choice of these solutions is your choice, no one is responsible for our actions, words. It is necessary to approach to the decision of any problems deliberately, consciously, having weighed all pros and cons. Problems are not solved by themselves, it is necessary to work with them. Distraction and the ability to relax and make a wise decision are the opposite ways. If in childhood to program the child's mind for distraction, even if it's a rattle, then in his youth he will look for distraction in cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, computer games, explaining to himself and everyone that he is tired, he has problems, nerves. Great! Is not it! In the future, when the child is left alone, he will not have much to rely on. The idea that solving the problem consists in changing the situation, changing people around him, will firmly take root in the mind of a person, and the subsequent analysis of one's internal state will not take time, which inevitably leads to inattention and distraction.

Here is another story of our life. In a crowded bus in the front seat, a mom with her one-year-old child rides, who looks interestedly at the window, trying to recognize the qualities of passing objects and phenomena. But suddenly my mother starts babbling incessantly, pointing at my uncle, then at my aunt, then at the birdie, then at the typewriter. As a result, instead of the child in a relaxed state enjoying and studying the outside world, receiving various experiences and emotions, he enters a state of confusion and shock from the fact that he simply does not have time to grasp everything at once. At this time, mom does not help, but only prevents the child from being in a state of contemplation, correlating internal processes with external ones. There can be no question of the proper development of the personality when the mind is in constant tension. Give the child some freedom to think and analyze, after which the child will start asking you questions and a dialogue will arise in which you will have to cover all the ambiguities and guide him to the right path. Let the child look inward, distinguishing your feelings, thoughts, sensations.

I would like to give another example of the "breakthrough" of mankind in the upbringing of the child and his comfort. It's a nipple! What is it for, what is its function, why do we put it in the mouth of a child? For all, the answer seems trivial. If you think a little about what we want from the child at this moment, we will understand the desire arising in us to "turn off" the child as a radio or TV, if only it did not interfere. "Whatever the child may have tasted, if only it does not cry." Does the fact of sucking nipples cause any harm? (Sorry for the tautology). When the child sucks, in his stomach begins to produce gastric juice, which carries the function of digesting food. Diseases of the gastrointestinal tract arise precisely from this childhood. Poor functioning of the spleen, stomach, intestines, hence the pain in the abdomen, colic, bloating, which so disturb the children, but they can not tell you about this, because a child can not say for two weeks of his life: "Mom, why do you do this, So that I have a stomach ache? "And when the child grows up, it already develops the habit and the body's need for increased production of gastric juice, it chews the cud and the process of improper digestion continues. Maybe we should, at least sometimes, include our brain or periodically wipe it from dust, as you yourself think?

Hyperactivity is a mental disorder of a child unable to control the ejection of his emotions, unable to calm down and relax after mental or physical. General fatigue leads to inattention, confusion, to the inability to quickly recover in the future. Reading books before going to bed, watching cartoons is also a cause of fatigue and lack of sleep. Trace the chain: the sun is down - the child has had dinner - looked at the cartoon (the body is already tired and wants to rest) - bathing in the bath (the body is even more relaxed, the mind is at rest) - reading books (it, by the way, requires attention and the work of the mind and Requires a tight head, because you read with the child and show him different pictures) - a dream. How in the future will the child perceive the learning process. The answer is obvious - he will sleep. At first the child sleeps in the kindergarten, then at school, then at the institute. He is not able to perceive information, because the programming of his brain has already tried loving parents who think that excessive mental strain in childhood will give a huge result in the future. But this is not so. These are the natural reactions of the body, caused by repeated repetition and unlearning from this habit in the subsequent very difficult. If you already decided to read before going to bed, then do it while sitting, do not injure your child's spine. Let it be a book without pictures, easy to read, read one or two pages, stroke your child, sing a lullaby and wish him good dreams. Do not necessarily sit with him until he falls asleep. Develop independence from the first days of life, and in the future it will be easier for the child and you.

Arrangement of a crib for parents takes a very important place. Mom and Dad think that for our Lali should hang a lot of toys, let everything revolves, screams, meows. It's fun! But whether it is necessary for the child, whether he considers or counts, what is it cheerfully. No! This is taught to him by his parents. "When there's a lot of everything around loud, colorful - it's so cool, and if there's nothing on the bed, then the child will constantly cry, because what else remains." This is also not so! The child will find what to learn, what to think about, with whom to talk. Understand that in the bed is not a thoughtless being, but a person endowed with a consciousness that has just begun its way in the perception of the world. What does this world consist of, what do you need to know at the initial stage? In nature, there are 5 primary elements, of which everything that surrounds us is composed. This space, wind, fire, water and earth. Studying these primary elements, contact with them will give all the answers to the questions of interest, this will lead to the development of your child's consciousness. How to do this, it is not difficult to guess. The child must make daily contact with 5 primary elements. How can you arrange all this, especially not bothering yourself and the child, how to do it gently and slowly? Here are some examples:

SPACE: look at the sky; Admire the stars, floating in the sky clouds and clouds; Looking into the distance, looking at the infinite and not approaching horizon.

WIND: feel the flow of the wind; Feel its cold and hot currents.

FIRE: build a fire and feel the heat from it; Massage, giving a feeling of warmth and care.

WATER: washing, bathing in the mornings and evenings, hardening.

EARTH: playing in the sandbox, poking around in the ground, building a sand castle.

These are just some examples of how you can know the world. Contact with 5 primary elements leads to an understanding of the processes taking place around. The child himself will be able to remember how one primary element arises from another, he can create, create, he will be creative. The ability of the individual to create something new arises precisely because of the flexibility of the mind, which can find ways out of any intricate situations. Using the potentiality of his mind and imagination, the child is able to create anything. One who is not sufficiently clear is incapable of creating or perceiving anything beyond the ordinary conceptual mind.

Give the child clay and matches, and he will create a masterpiece; Give the brush, paint and paper and see the picture much more elegant than the "Black Square" by Malevich. Later it will develop in the child the ability to write pictures, amazing poems, create unusual buildings and designs. If the child is not given the opportunity to think, buy him mechanical toys, make life around him fully automated, then the person begins to be lazy and his mind becomes incapable of thinking, creating, analyzing. Watching cartoons, playing computer games does not lead to development - this is the way to stupefying and zombifying a person who can sit for hours on the monitor. If you suddenly become ill, the child will not be able to tear himself away from his favorite occupation - killing monsters and ghouls, because now IT is his reality, and you have become virtual.

The development of the adequacy of the child should be given special attention, because if a person is not familiar with the usual moral aspects, then he will not be able to evolve. Do not indulge the child, do not go on his way, because before you a professional manipulator, feeling you, is better than any extrasensory. The parent must be aware, and not blindly fulfill the child's whims, even if he does it in hysterical form. It is necessary to understand the situation that is happening around the child, what he wants to endure from this situation. A child needs truth, not a beautiful lie. To understand a child in a difficult situation, one must be in the same dimension as him, so that he allows you to enter into his dimension. The child will be able to let you in only if he trusts you, otherwise you will stand on the threshold, not knowing what is going on inside your child. Trust is a respect for the individual. You trust the child, and the child - you. When you take the child's independence, then show disrespect to him, considering him incapable of doing wise deeds. Then why do you think that when you suddenly descend from heaven, the child will be obliged to you to open. You will not receive anything in return, the door will be closed for you forever.

Punishment. This topic, which should be identified as a special method of work. If the child does not obey you, it is necessary to take the strap and shove it on the ass so that he can not sit on it for a week and of course at the same time you should yell at him and convulsively shake him.

"Suffering is physical or moral pain, torture." (Dictionary of the Russian language)

Probably, you understand that this is not right, because now you are in a calm mood. But when a person is nervous and does not control his actions, he later regrets them. If, after some time, a person finds the courage in himself, he admits that he made a mistake, even if this admission to himself is already progress. Punishment has nothing to do with a perfect misconduct; Punishment only leads to the fact that the child stops trusting you and ceases to see you as a support and a friend. In return for punishment, a strict parental order must act. In order to understand the meaning of the word "punishment" it is necessary to turn to Russian fairy tales, from which it is clearly seen that "order" is instruction, instruction, instruction given by a more adult and wise person: father, mother, grandmother, grandfather. Over time, the meaning of many words varies, hence the misunderstanding of how to educate and how to talk with the child. In this place, we strive to make sure that our child understands that he was mistaken through pain and suffering. This is another coin in the money box of the wrong parting word to your child. If a child sees a person who, according to many, is guilty, he will think like anything that the punishment and humiliation of the "scoundrel" is the only right decision. And who will try to understand this man, who will understand why he did this ??? It is impossible to develop in oneself what is not. You can not build something without laying the foundation. And the foundation in this case is advice, moralizing, given by wise parents, when their children are making dirty tricks. Nothing can change a person the way understanding, caring, love. Parents should motivate the child to do good deeds towards all people. It is from childhood that you must develop in children wisdom, love, compassion. A child should be responsible for his actions from childhood. If your beloved child causes you pain and suffering, tell him about it, otherwise it will be too late, because between you there is an insurmountable wall of mutual reproaches and discontent.

Happiness. In order to know what is happiness, it must be experienced first hand. When a person is happy, such obscured emotions as envy, pride, affection, hatred do not prevail over him. Instead, in a person, the basic feelings for happiness, called "four immense", should naturally develop: immense impartiality to all beings, immeasurable love, immeasurable joy for all beings and immense compassion. We have gone so far from knowing our moral foundations that we have become insensitive, cruel people who do not see anyone around them except themselves. Our ego completely filled the inner world, and it is sometimes impossible to reach us. At the time of the conflict, we do not allow others to enter our dimension and help. Instead, we shut ourselves up even more, regret ourselves, suffer. In this state, a person leads himself to exhaustion and sometimes even can get to the idea that his life is worthless and completely lost the meaning that is outside the window of the 9th floor or on rails.

"Happiness is a state of full, supreme satisfaction" (Dictionary of the Russian language)

It is very important to understand that if today you do not start working on yourself, on your child and the relationship between you, time will be irretrievably lost. At the age of 14, a person must already mature as a person, be able to work, cook, saw, plan, think, analyze. Parents should not tell their child that he does not communicate with this or that person. A child at the age of 14 must determine the circle of his communication, his interests. Keeping awareness, a child who has addicts or alcoholics among his friends will never enter this path, because he knows what he will lead him to. The child has already become an adult and is able to make independent decisions with whom to communicate with him and with whom to live, do not keep it as a thing or a toy that can be constantly squeezed.

What is the difference between happiness and suffering, what is true happiness, do we really know the answer to this question?

Happiness is a desire to give love and good to others, without expecting anything in return; Suffering is the ripening fruit of the desire for happiness for oneself. You often ask yourself the question: why and for whom do I do this - studying at school, school, college, work for 8 hours a day? What is the result of your hard work? If your goal is to help people, protect them, be useful to them, then the flow of good energy will flow on you with an endless stream. If your child lives and is brought up with such a thought, he will always have friends, he will always be appreciated, he will just be a happy person. If in your child, in his mind the thought arises that his works, his way is not a waste of time, but an activity aimed at helping others. You as a parent will win and you will have an excellent child who will benefit people. With each year of his life, the child will develop personal responsibility and self-confidence, he will become independent by the age of 13-14, he will not be dependent on circumstances, he will become wise and strong. To the senior classes you will be calm for the future of your child, because every word and deed will be permeated with awareness and understanding of everything that happens around him. But how not to miss this subtle and sometimes invisible thread between the parent and the child, how to continue to remain in the eyes of your son or daughter a loyal friend, a support, an assistant all your life?

Trust your children right now and you will get what almost all parents dream about: a child will love and respect you all his life, he will not forget you. Without respect there is no trust, without trust there is no respect. Do not confuse liberalism and trust, do not let everything go on its own, otherwise even one moment of your weakness at some point will be enough to destroy everything that has been built for many years. (Liberalism is excessive tolerance, condescension, harmful connivance (Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language)).

When a child knows what respect is, then he knows that there is gratitude. Gratitude is a feeling of gratitude for the kindness, attention, care, and service rendered. If the child closes from you, then a rebellion occurs in his soul, which in the future can develop into conflict. You need to understand your child's feelings here on the beach, otherwise the ship with the name "Family" will float away, and you and will remain alone, without understanding what happened.

Dear friends, love your children, value them, trust them, give them ground for reflection and action, and the bridge between you will never collapse. Good luck in creating a healthy and happy family!

Thanks to everyone who helped me become what I became.