I Remember Only Your Image

We met with Zhenya on June 18, 2007. I live in St. Petersburg. He is from the town of Yeisk, Krasnodar Territory.

Two lost souls, we were destined to meet. Though in the vastness of the Internet. No one has ever understood me as much as he did, being thousands of miles away and four years old.

That is how much it was to go until our happiest moment.

I will never forget what it feels like to breathe a man. So it happened that he eclipsed the whole world to me. And I looked at everything around me through the prism of his piercing eyes. They are like the first rays of the spring sun, striving to illuminate every hidden corner of the earth, which has longed for the warmth and light. So my soul shone thanks to him.

He just came and brought with him kindness, warmth, light, the starry sky, torrential rains in clear weather, smiling passers-by. All I could not afford myself, he gave me. Love of life. Love for yourself.

We were together for a little more than a year. It all ended in late summer. As if the heat went away with him. Love, dreams, desire to live.

I remember our happiest moments, but every year they elude me. Human memory is like a sieve, which is thinning and tearing with the years. And together with all the bad memories, no matter how we resisted, the good ones slip away. Fabulous. Heavenly.

We had two summers of love, a whole autumn of spiritual torment, winter, but not for our senses, an all-consuming spring. We had two hearts, two computers, two telephones, two cities, and one love for two.

The first love acts so blindingly on us. And it does not pass, no matter what anyone says. Pass the time of the year, and with them we change. And we just do not get to love. You need to conquer the world, you have to walk in step with the times, and not to wander in the clouds. Someone just loses stupidity. And then because of the exorbitant pride, this feeling is enchanted.

I will never stop loving you. So I loved only you. This love is special, it does not require hot words. They will attach. There would be love and an incredible, burning, irresistible desire to be together. My love is ready to stand in the pouring rain of your indifference, under the flame of your hatred, under the snow of your feelings for another.

More than four years have passed, and I still hope that you will come to me. After all, you are now so close. Just two metro stops from me. But they seem to me now an endless abyss.

I sit at a table in our favorite coffee shop, and look back at the front door. Somehow, incomprehensible to me, you continue to live in my heart. Himself without suspecting. I just want to believe that there is something good in the world. And that everyone will meet his Zhenya. I do not envy your girlfriend, although I lie, I hate her only because she is now in your dreams and dreams. But I understand her choice. I always said that I was lucky someone with my husband, my father. In truth, I was hoping that you would be my husband and the father of my children. I was so jealous, although I'm not jealous by nature. I am not the owner, I respect freedom in relationships. But with you all my principles flew to hell. And we just loved each other. The first, gentle, mimiolet love. God, what a pathos. I still love you, I breathe you, I dream about you. I'm just taking everything too seriously. So, if he promised to be with me all his life. Be.

All this is the stupidity of an immature soul, which eternally fights with its mature and conscious half. A wiser half. I love you. I'm happy that you were in my life. I officially, with a peace beating heart and a smile in all 32, I release you. Fly, my love. I remember only your image. And he is now always with me.