What to do if my mother does not like me: recommendations of specialists

The most expensive word in life for every person is mom. It was for us the source of the most valuable - life. How does it happen that there are children and even adults, from whom you can hear terrible words: "Mom does not love me ..."? Can such a person become happy? What consequences in adult life await an unloved child and what to do in such a situation?

The unloved child

In all literary, musical and artistic works the image of the mother is sung as tender, kind, sensitive and loving. Mom is associated with warmth and care. When we are ill, we willy-nilly involuntarily shout "Mom!". How does it happen that for someone, Mom is not this way. Why do we hear more often: "What if my mother does not love me?" From children and even adults.

Surprisingly, such words can be heard not only in problem families, where parents fall under the category of risk groups, but also in families, at first glance, very well-off, where everything is normal in a material sense, mother cares for the child, feeds him, puts on clothes , Escorts to school, etc.

It turns out that it is possible to fulfill all the duties of the mother at the physical level, but at the same time to deprive the child of the main thing - in love! If the girl does not feel the mother's love, she will go through life with a heap of fears and complexes. This also applies to boys. For the child, the inner question: "What if my mother does not love me?" It turns into a real catastrophe. Boys, in general, having matured, will not be able to properly treat a woman, will, without noticing it, unknowingly take revenge for her for lack of love in childhood. It is difficult for such a man to build adequate, healthy and full-fledged, harmonious relationships with the female sex.

How does maternal dislike manifest itself?

If the mother is inclined to regular moral pressure, pressure on her child, if she tries to distance herself from her baby, does not think about his problems and does not listen to his wishes, then most likely she really does not love her child. Constantly sounding inner question: "What if my mother does not love me?" Leads a child, even an adult, to depressive conditions, which, as is known, are fraught with consequences. Dislike of the mother can arise for various reasons, but most of all it is connected with the father of the child, who did not properly treat his woman, was greedy with her in everything, both in material and in feelings. Perhaps, Mom was completely abandoned, and she brings up the child herself. And then another and not one! ..

All dislike of mother to the child arises from the difficulties that she experiences. Most likely, this woman, being a child, herself was not loved by her parents ... It is not surprising that the opening, if this mother herself as a child wondered: "What if my mother does not love me?", But did not look for answers and something, Or to change in the life, and it is simple imperceptibly for itself has gone on the same way, repeating model of behavior of the mum.

Why does not Mom love?

It's hard to believe, but there are situations in the life of the total indifference and hypocrisy of the mother to her child. Moreover, such mothers can publicly praise their daughter or son in public, but being left alone, insulting, humiliating and ignoring. Such mothers do not restrict the child in clothes, food or education. They do not give him an elementary affection and love, do not talk to the child heart to heart, are not interested in his inner world and desires. As a consequence, the son (daughter) does not like his mother. What to do if there is no trusting sincere relationship between mother and son (daughter)? It even happens that this indifference is imperceptible.

The child around the world perceives through the prism of maternal love. And if it is not, then what will the unloved child see the world? Since childhood, the child asks the question: "Why am I not loved? What's wrong? Why is my mother so indifferent and cruel to me? " Of course, for him it is a psychological trauma, the depth of which can hardly be measured. This man will come into adulthood squeezed, notorious, with a mountain of fears and not at all able to love and be loved. How can he build his life? So he's doomed to disappointment?

Examples of negative situations

Often mothers do not notice how they created their situation by their indifference when they ask themselves the question: "What if the child does not love his mother?" And do not understand the reasons, blaming the child again. This is a typical situation, moreover, if a child is asked such a question, he seeks out his childish mind and tries to please his mother, blaming himself. And Mummy, on the contrary, does not want to understand for any reason that she herself was the reason for such a relationship.

One of the examples of an unwanted mother's attitude toward her child is the standard school assessment in her diary. One child will cheer up if the assessment is low, they say, nothing, next time will be higher, and the other will be shaken and will be called a jerk and lazy ... It also happens that the mother does not care about the case until she goes to school and she does not look in the diary , And will not ask about, maybe a pen is needed or a notebook is new? Therefore, the question: "What to do if children do not like my mother?" First of all, it is necessary to answer my mother to myself: "What did I do to make my children love me?". For neglecting their children, moms are paying dearly.

Golden mean

But it also happens that the mother does her best to please her child and grows "narcissus" from it - these are also anomalies, these children are not very grateful, they consider themselves to be the center of the universe, and mother is the source of their needs. These children will also grow up unable to love, but they will learn to take and demand well! Therefore, in everything there should be a measure, a "golden mean", rigor and love! Always, when a child does not like his mother, we need to look for roots in relation to the parent to his child. It is usually distorted and maimed, requires adjustment and the sooner, the better. Children can quickly forgive and forget the bad, in contrast to the already formed adult consciousness.

Constant indifference and negative attitude towards the child cause a difficult indelible imprint on his life. More even indelible. Only a few unloved children in adult life find the strength and potential for correcting the mother's negative fate line.

How to act to the parent, if a child of 3 years says that he does not love his mother and can even hit her?

This situation is often a consequence of emotional instability. Perhaps the child is not receiving enough attention. Mom does not play with him, there is no physical contact. A toddler should often hug, kiss and tell him about the mother's love for him. Before going to bed he needs calming, stroking the back, reading a fairy tale. Important and the situation of the relationship between mom and dad. If it is negative, then do not be surprised at the behavior of the child. If there is a grandmother in the family, then her attitude to mother and father is a powerful influence on the psyche of the child.

In addition, the prohibitions in the family should not be too much, and the rules - one for all. If the child is too naughty, then try to listen to him, find out what is bothering him. Help him, show an example of a calm resolution of any difficult situation. It will be an excellent brick in his future adulthood. And all fights, of course, need to be stopped. When waving to the mother, the child needs to, clearly looking into the eyes and holding his hand, firmly say that you can not beat your mother! The main thing - be consistent in all, act calmly and judiciously.

What can not be done?

Most often the question "What should I do if I'm not a child's favorite child?" Are asking themselves already grown up children too late. The thinking of such a person has already been formed and is amenable to adjustment. But do not despair! Awareness is already the beginning of success! The main thing is that such a question does not grow into a statement: "Yes, nobody likes me at all!".

It's terrible to think, but the internal statement that I do not like my mother disastrously affects relationships with the opposite sex. If it so happened that the son does not like his mother, then it is unlikely that he will be able to love his wife and children. Such a person is unsure of his abilities, does not trust people, can not adequately assess the situation at work and away from home, which affects his career growth and the environment as a whole. This applies to daughters who do not like mothers.

You can not get yourself into a cul-de-sac and say to yourself, "I'm not so, I'm a loser, I'm not good enough (good), I ruined (ruined) my mom's life," etc. Such thoughts will lead to an even dead end And immersion in the created problem. Parents do not choose, so the situation must be let go, and forgive my mother!

How to live and what to do if my mother does not love me?

The reasons for such thoughts are described above. "But how to live with this?" - an unloved child will ask in adulthood. First of all, you need to stop taking everything tragically and close to your heart. Life is one, and what quality it will be, depends on the person most of the time. Yes, it's bad that it happened with the relationship between my mother, but that's not all!

One must firmly say to himself: "I will not allow any more influences on my inner world to negative messages in my direction from my mother! This is my life, I want to have a healthy psyche and a positive attitude to the world around me! I can love and be loved! I can give joy and receive it from another person! I love to smile, I will wake up with a smile every morning and fall asleep every day! And I forgive my mother and do not hold evil against her! I love her just because she gave me life! I am grateful to her for this and for the life lesson she gave me! Now I know for sure that a good mood needs to be valued and fought for the feeling of love in my soul! I know the price of love and I will give it to my family! ".

We change consciousness

Loving is impossible! Well, okay ... But change your attitude and the picture of the world, drawn in our head, you can! You can radically change your attitude to what is happening in the family. It is not easy, but necessary. Perhaps you need the help of a professional psychologist. If we are talking about a girl, she should understand that she herself will be a mother, and the most valuable thing that her child can give is care and love!

Do not try to please my mother, and anyone else. Just live and just do good deeds. Do it in the best of its abilities. If you feel the line, after which an explosion may occur, stop, rest, rethink the situation and move on. If you feel that your mother is again hurting you with an aggressive attitude and driving you into a corner, say calmly and firmly "No! Forgive me, Mom, but do not push me. I am an adult and responsible for my life. Thank you for taking care of me! I will answer you in return. But do not break me. I want to love and give love to my children. They are my best! And I'm the best mom (the best dad) in the world! ".

You do not have to try to please your mother, especially if for all the years of her life you understood with her that any act, no matter what you commit, will be criticized or at best indifference. Live! Just live! Call and help your mom! Tell her about love, but do not bother yourself anymore! Do everything calmly. And all her reproaches are not justified! Just say: "Sorry, Mom ... Okay, Mom ...", and nothing more, smile and go on. Be wise - this is the guarantee of a calm and joyful life!