Self improvement, Oratoan art
How tactful is it to deny a person?
It is impossible to deny: rejection is very unpleasant. Nevertheless, this is part of life. It does not matter if your heart is broken, you are refused a job or you are just being taken by a loved one, emotions will always be unpleasant. Such situations never pass without problems, it is always uncomfortable. If you yourself want to refuse someone, you also have a difficult time.
Tell the truth
It may seem obvious, but it is important to know: if you are deceiving a person about the reason for your refusal, you do not relieve his position by anything. Some prefer to lie in order not to hurt the feelings of a person who is denied. This is a good intention, but this behavior does not help to soften the blow. Honesty is your best choice, do not try to gloss over something. Even if you think that lying is a salvation, do not yield to such thoughts. The truth hurts, but then it is easier to accept, and the lie softens the effect only in the first minutes of the conversation, but ultimately poisons all the sympathy that remains after failure.
Be accurate
Common words do not do any good. If you must deny someone, be as precise and specific as possible. In the future, this will only help a person who has been refused. Often a refusal, which would not become its cause, is perceived as a personal insult.
Watch your tone
Do not forget that the problem can be not only what exactly you say, but also in the way you do it. Think about what another person will feel in such a situation, and try to behave accordingly.
Accept your role
If you are also somehow involved in the current situation, be sure to tell the person to whom you are parting. If the fault does not lie solely on his shoulders, the situation becomes a little more comfortable. Share the blame if this is the actual state of affairs, because the refusal is based on explaining the real situation. This will help you to clearly explain the reasons for your decision, although at the time of the interview it will be difficult for your interlocutor to perceive everything rationally and without unnecessary emotions. This is understandable, because parting can be extremely exhausting. Be prepared for this, accept in advance the fact that the negative is inevitable and partly connected with it.
Think about compromise
If the situation allows, perhaps you do not need to rigidly deny a person. Sometimes the problem can be solved with the help of a compromise. If you start a conversation with the goal of communicating your point of view and getting what you want, it is quite possible that another person will be able to meet you. In this case, he will feel much more comfortable.
Let the person share his feelings with you
So just focus on what you want to say, and it's so hard to let a person who is experiencing a refusal share their thoughts and emotions. Nevertheless it is very important, you must give your interlocutor an opportunity to explain how he feels because of this refusal. Do not think that you will be very pleased. Refusal is a very difficult situation. Nevertheless, if a person immediately has the opportunity to speak out and share feelings, your conversation will be much more gentle and comfortable for everyone.
Practice in advance
If you are very nervous because you have to deny someone and want all words, intonation and expressed emotions to be relevant, you should practice, think about what you will say and how you will do it. This will be extremely useful for you. For example, you need to fire someone. Practice how you will say unpleasant news to another person. When you really need to do this, you will already know that you can say it calmly, and then you will be able to express all your thoughts in a harmonious way, honestly and carefully, which will help another person understand: life has not ended, everything is in order. You can do what you must, but in the best possible way. Enough practice is very useful for you, and for the person you are refusing. You can also practice with a friend or loved ones. In this case, you can get an assessment of your behavior from outside and ask for a useful piece of advice. This will help you better understand the subtleties of the situation and learn how to behave as correctly as possible.
Do not wait for a clear conclusion
Naturally, you would like to get some relief after a hard conversation, but not always the situation ends this way. This is completely normal. Many people dream that refusal has passed for all positively and painlessly, but it is necessary to understand at once that your interlocutor will not be happy. Just do not rush, do not push his emotions, do not try to cheer him up when it's inappropriate. By adjusting yourself to the fact that the situation will be resolved immediately, you doom yourself to disappointment. Do not do this! Be at once ready, that your conversation will not give clear consequences.
Failure is difficult
It is important to always remember that the best way to deny a person is to behave with maximum attention, kindness and respect. Behave as you try to behave in other situations. Perhaps in the process you will encounter resentment and anger, nevertheless, if you are kind, everything will go as best as possible for everyone.
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