In the life of everyone there were moments when one wrong decision had terrible consequences. What if the situation is irreversible? Is forgiveness possible after treason?
Understand the cause of treason
No matter how much you want to blame yourself for treason or vice versa, no matter how it seemed that everyone except everyone is to blame, the first thing to do is to understand the reasons for this act.
Psychologists identify 7 reasons why girls can change:
- Alcohol. Drunken betrayal - one of the most harmless, but at the same time, stupid changes. Girls, losing their heads from drinking alcohol, simply do not control their body and mind. In this case, the fault lies also with the person who took advantage of the position of the girl.
- Betrayal is revenge. With this kind of betrayal, the girl does not ask a question like "Has changed the guy, what to do?". After all, this was her plan.
- Flirting. Contrary to popular belief that only men are naturally polygamous and addicted to flirting, women can also lose control of attention.
- Treason. Many girls live at work, not seeing the days and nights of their loved ones. It is unspent tenderness and love that breaks out onto a free and very nice colleague.
- Dissatisfaction. When personal life falls apart, something does not happen at all as it was at the beginning, the girl finds solace in the hands of others.
- Boredom. This reason is very similar to dissatisfaction. Having missed the past emotions, the girl tries to arrange them on her side.
- Love. Unfortunately, you never know if this is exactly the case this time.
Having determined the reason why the girl has changed the guy, you can safely say how to proceed.
After learning the reason why the girl changed the guy, her next step should be recognition. Often girls try to hide this fact. It always results in paranoia, nervous breakdowns, depression and other unpleasant things, from which relationships with a half get spoiled at a rapid rate. In the end, the guy either guesses, or finds out in another way, and this has a sad outcome.
Do not forget that all people are different, and for someone to forgive treason will be a very difficult test, while others will listen and accept you.
Why can not you share this with your friends?
Do not discuss this with your friends. You never know what actions will be taken by them.
"I changed the guy," she confessed to her friends. "It's too bad for me what to do?" Of course, A. hoped for support. But one of the girlfriends silently left the cafe, the second said that A. has time before dinner to confess her beloved in treason, otherwise she will tell everything herself. In the evening A. returned home alone, the things of the guy in the apartment was gone. And six months later, one of her friends renewed her status in social networks, that she marries her ex-wife.
Therefore, if the girl has changed the guy, what to do does not know, psychologists strongly recommend not to write to friends.
How to admit treason
The most effective way for psychologists to call confession in a letter.
- Having identified the problem, formulate it in a letter to your loved one.
- Describe your condition, what you are experiencing.
- Be sure to include in the letter the two main words "forgive me."
- Write to your loved one about how much you love him.
- Do not blame the guy for everything, start with the part in which only you are to blame.
- But do not write only about your own fault - this is your common problem.
- Write to him your desire to maintain a relationship.
This letter re-read, set aside and try to reproduce all this in person, in a relaxed atmosphere. If you do not go out to say out loud about treason or you are afraid of an inadequate reaction, leave this letter and let the man understand and accept everything that he reads.
Men's and women's betrayal, are there any differences?
Opinions on this subject are very different. Someone says that by nature all people are polygamous, someone is certain that this is all due to a lack of education. Of course, we will never know the truth. However, it is worth noting that there are couples who, on mutual agreement, are on the side of other partners.
A man really needs self-assertion, and they find him in bed. Adult men are looking for young girls.
Women find self-assertion in another. And under the guise of female infidelity are usually hiding huge problems. Probably, that is why many share male and female treason.
Another difference in accepting the fact of treason. If a woman feels a blow to her feelings, the man - by self-esteem. Therefore, most often men's betrayal is forgiven, and the woman remains beyond the bounds of understanding men.
Advice to girls
If you feel some kind of discord, some wrong feelings for another guy, or you do not get the proper attention from your second half - talk to him. The only thing that will protect both sides from betrayals, quarrels, and turmoil is 100% - these are conversations. It is not necessary to sit down in the evening and discuss who is displeased with what. If you can not say - write. The most important thing is to convey the idea, but how - it does not matter at all.
Learn to say "forgive me". This applies to people of any gender. If there was a quarrel, do not finish it. It's better to stop and say "I love you". It is conflicts, cool relations lead to treason.
Advice to the guys
The girl feels remorse, because she changed the guy. What should a man do in such a situation?
Try to take this information as calmly as possible. You have the right to be angry, get upset, feel insulted and experience any other emotion. But it will be better for everyone if you take it as calmly as possible, because nothing can be changed.
If the girl could explain to you the reason of her act, try to understand if there was a reason from your side. Do not blame yourself completely, but do not shift all the blame on the girl.
If nothing comes out
"I changed the guy, what should I do?" - Young girls ask this question every day. Older women are asked this question in relation to her husband. Men rarely think of treason as something shameful. If your relationship is at an impasse after betrayal, and even family psychotherapy sessions have not helped , perhaps your happiness was just not there?
Of course, to glue happiness after betrayal is not given to everyone. However, for so many years of study by psychologists of the issue of adultery, you can say for sure that there are chances, and rather big ones. Therefore, grabbing a bag and parting is a wrong way, although the easiest. If in your heart, in your soul there is at least a drop of love, tenderness and caring for the guy, then try to return feelings and light them with renewed vigor. And it's not so difficult to do this when there comes a realization that it was wrong in your life. Good luck!