Self improvementPsychology

How to learn to be silent. How to learn to be silent - the psychology of this phenomenon

Everyone knows that silence is gold, and it really has a special meaning in the life of any person. Keep silent at the right time is sometimes much more accurate than saying any words. In everyday situations it is desirable to be able to determine in time not only when it is better not to say a word, but also when it is not superfluous to say it. But the main thing is to be able to keep silent when it really is necessary. How can this be done? How to learn to be silent?

What is the need for silence?

The need for silence is conditioned by the prevailing situation. Very often there are circumstances when it is better to remain silent than to speak. You should control your speech and avoid rash words when solving serious issues related to your personal life, in the course of business conversations, when communicating with strangers or children. A person is a reasonable being and must remain so in most life episodes, otherwise the consequences can be extremely unpleasant. Silence has several advantages. It is capable of:

  • Create space for the work of thought;
  • Free from idle talk and fussiness;
  • To exacerbate susceptibility to one's inner and outer worlds;
  • To ensure awareness and meaningfulness of actions;
  • Give the opportunity to absorb the most complete information from outside.

The manifestations of silence in everyday life

In our life, a special niche is reserved for silence. There are a number of situations where the question of how to learn to be silent is not raised, since there is no need for it. Silence is natural and compulsory in the following cases:

  1. Rituals - special events or people deserve to be honored with a minute of silence.
  2. Obligations - a kind of monastic asceticism, considered worthy of special respect - a vow of silence.
  3. Rights - the phrase "you have the right to remain silent" assumes that there is time for deliberate speech.
  4. Secrets - the ability to hide something and not give out other people's secrets has always been appreciated highly in any person.

Communication in the community

Man - the creation of social, and without communication within this very society it can not do. Therefore, speaking out and speaking out is a natural psychological need. At the same time, a new interpretation of the situation takes place, the removal of nervous tension, and the relief of the state of mind. However, it is always necessary to initially understand whether you need an alleged dialogue at all. Are not your information or your question useless? Maybe, say to yourself: "Better be silent." Always in dialogue you should know with whom and what you can talk about. Do not turn communication into an empty and useless waste of words. When talking, you need to focus on the person you are talking to. Someone you can say almost anything, for example a psychologist or a close person who is able to understand you. But with most people it's better to limit yourself to the scheme:

  • Ask a question - get information;
  • Make a proposal, request or demand - to obtain consent or refusal;
  • To express doubt, a claim, an opinion - to receive an explanation.

Silence in the family

Family relations are very complex and subtle matter, and absolutely ambiguous. Silence in the family is not welcome, on the contrary, for mutual understanding one must be able to talk, because from quiescent quarrels can arise, misunderstandings, conflicts. But sometimes there are situations when one should be silent as a fish. This is especially true for those cases where it is not the mind that dominates, but emotions, and the negative attitude towards one's half is expressed in the form of angry epithets and does not bring anything good afterwards. How to learn to remain silent when you want to express all that has accumulated in the soul? Very often this requires gathering all the available will into a fist. Later, no doubt, you can more adequately think and express your claims, finding the right words for this.

Silence at work

A person who knows how to be silent, will always be valued at work much more than one who can not keep his mouth shut. After all, this will mean that the worker is able to listen to the interlocutor, show attention to it, and also keep the confidentiality of any information received. How to learn to keep quiet at work? The ways to keep silence in the work collective are identical to the general methods of gaining inner balance and self-control. Just like in all other cases, in any society, silence is a manifestation of dignity. In other cases - the ability to avoid confrontation of views in disputes, the ability to step back from the situation when it is reasonable. However, one should always remember that constant silence can also be assessed negatively. Look for the golden mean.

The main ways to keep silence

How to learn to be silent? Psychology is a science that was one of the first to develop this problem and seek solutions that can help most people. In order to learn to keep silent at the right time, use the following methods:

  1. Self-evaluation. If you notice an inability to control your speech and often can not refrain from speaking out, which gives you a lot of inconvenience in life, you should first of all understand yourself. Why is this happening? Continuous chatter can signal both a shattered nervous system, stress, depression, and other more serious psychological problems. Naturally, it is best to discuss this with a psychologist. It will help you to remove the internal tension, and the situation will necessarily improve. However, not everyone will go to the doctor. Most people believe that they are able to cope with this problem themselves. You can try to figure it out yourself, but it will be much more difficult.
  2. Meditation. Immersion in yourself, comprehension. There are many techniques of relaxation, stopping thoughts, reaching inner emptiness, in which one hears his inner voice best, reveals personality, and at times very important truths are comprehended.
  3. Loneliness. In order to learn to remain silent, you can for a while move away from society and be alone with yourself. This will give an excellent opportunity to listen and hear. In this case, it is good to listen not so much to music as to nature itself: birds singing, murmur of water. Try to assess the environment, the whole world and understand your place in it.

Ways to keep silence in critical situations

How to learn to remain silent in situations where emotions are pummeled and there is no possibility to sit down and quietly meditate or to retire, and words are rushing out, and you are absolutely sure that you will later have to regret them?

  1. Breath. When a critical situation arises in which emotions take the upper hand and want to speak out, and this can not be done at all, many people are helped by breathing exercises. It takes a very deep breath and a long exhalation. Many people just need to breathe for a few minutes. The brain is oversaturated with oxygen, and the physical state will change.
  2. Water. In order to remain silent, you can occupy your mouth with another matter - to drink water or something to eat, chewing it well and not being distracted by extraneous stimuli.
  3. Physical exercises. If possible, physical activity can serve as a good way of distraction from unnecessary words. All that is most difficult for you: sit-ups, push-ups, press. In other cases from an unpleasant conversation you can just run away in the literal sense of the word.
  4. Painful sensations. Pain can distract you from almost everything. So physiologically our organism is arranged, that in the presence of painful sensations it is distracted solely by them, all the rest loses its significance. You can just pinch yourself. But modern psychologists have long come up with a more interesting method: the usual elastic band for tying up banknotes is put on the wrist, and in emergency situations it is delayed and released. In this case, it is possible to adjust the amount of pain by pulling the gum for different lengths. By the way, this method is now widely used and allows not only to avoid unnecessary words in a specific situation, but also to prevent such in the future, since the body produces a conditioned reflex: blurted out unnecessary - got pain.

When to speak better

A man came to Socrates and asked:

"Do you know what your friend says about you?"

Socrates replied:

- Before you tell me this message, sue your words in 3 sieves. The first is a sieve of truth. Are you sure that your information is true?

- This is a rumor.

- The second sieve is a sieve of good. Will this message bring me good and pleasant?

- Not at all.

- And the third sieve - a sieve of benefit. Will this message be useful to me?

- Hardly.

"Now judge for yourself: you want to tell me a message in which there is neither good nor truth, and, in addition, it is useless." Then why say it?

Hence the conclusion: before you say something, you should always think about why this should be done.

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