Self improvementPsychology

Conflict between fathers and children. Fathers and children: family psychology

Each parent, raising his child, does not like the soul in him. The child reciprocates, but until a certain time. At some point the child moves away from his ancestor. Conflict between fathers and children is an eternal theme. It is impossible to avoid it. But this problem, like any other, is completely solved. It is enough to find the necessary information, and the conflict between fathers and children will no longer seem insoluble.

What is the conflict

At some point such a conflict is the main problem in family relations. Parents grab at the head, not knowing what to do with the rebellious child. All words and actions that used to be effective at this stage are completely useless. The child is ready to explode on any occasion, he reacts negatively to all proposals from his ancestors. As a result, parents and children quarrel. This can lead to very sad consequences (hunger strike, leaving home, suicide). Even temporary alienation can radically change the relationship between relatives. If the "cool notes" in the behavior of the child are already visible, then it's time to take certain measures.

Causes of misunderstanding between parents and children

Misunderstanding can arise because of a number of reasons. And most often it is the parent who is to blame. After all, he is much older and, accordingly, more experienced and wiser. Many conflicts can easily be avoided. But adults rest on themselves, they try to keep their usual position, so they raise their voice to the child and even raise their hand. Naturally, the child goes into a counter-attack and shows his character is not on the best side.

Causes of conflict

Conflict between fathers and children most often occurs for the following reasons:

  1. Problems at school. Poor performance of the child, teachers' complaints about bad behavior, absolute reluctance to do homework.
  2. Order in the house. His non-observance becomes the reason for quarrels between the parent of a child of almost any age.
  3. False. Moms and dads are extremely unhappy with childish lies. Every child at least once lied to his parents. After the truth "swims out", there is another scandal.
  4. Noise. Children are naturally mobile, so they create a lot of noise (the sound of the TV, loud music, screams and audio toys).
  5. Disrespectful attitude towards the older generation. This behavior outrages parents, so they abuse the child.
  6. Requirement of gifts. Each parent faces this problem. Chad knows only the word "I want", so the uninvited thing becomes an excuse for the offense of the child.
  7. Circle of friends. Friends of a teenager often cause suspicion of both father and mother. This discontent they try to convey to the child, who does not want to hear anything about it.
  8. Appearance. The untidy appearance, modern manner of clothes and the taste of the child very often cause conflict.
  9. Pets. The quarrel arises either because the child does not care enough for his pet, or because of his extreme desire to take possession of it.

Conflict through the eyes of a child

The conflict between parents and children often occurs when the teenage period begins in the latter. This is an incredibly difficult time for both mom and dad, and for the baby. Chado begins to adjust his character, based on the beliefs of friends, high school students, but not parents. He learns this world from the other side, actively develops physically and begins to be interested in the opposite sex. But, despite the "adult" appearance, the psychoemotional state of a teenager is very unstable. A carelessly thrown word can develop a number of complexes.

The child becomes nervous and closed. He tries to avoid the company of parents, instead he pays more time to his friends or prefers to remain alone, closing in his room. Any criticism is rejected immediately. The teenager becomes rude, begins to raise his voice to his father and mother. He has frequent mood changes. If the conflict has reached a critical point, then there are possible attempts to leave the child from home or consciously inflicting physical mutilation.

Conflict in the eyes of parents

The line of behavior of parents is also not distinguished by its originality. The reaction can be divided into maternal and paternal.

Moms react more gently, but more often they are the cause of quarrels. Striving to become a best friend for her child, the parent surrounds the child with excessive attention. Opinion is imposed on any issue, from the appearance and ending with the preferences in music and films. This irritates the child and leads to conflict.

Father's reaction is somewhat different. Dad is an earner in the family. Therefore, he tries to instill in the child such concepts as hard work, the value of things and for the benefit of the family. A teenager, by virtue of his age, does not understand this and reacts negatively to fatherly upbringing.

What if the "parent-child" conflict still arose?

Urgent measures must be taken. There are several solutions for this:

  1. Calm conversation in a tight circle. The family council should listen to each participant in the conflict. In no case can you raise your voice and interrupt your interlocutor. It is also not advisable to ask questions during an opponent's statement. This dialogue almost always has a positive result.
  2. List of rules. All family members distribute duties among themselves and rules of conduct in the home. All items are discussed together, and not appointed by the head of the family (or rebellious teenager).
  3. Recognize wrong. The parent does not like to do this, but this step helps the teenager to meet them halfway.

Psychologist's advice

Fathers and children - a conflict of generations, familiar to everyone. But it can and should be avoided. To do this, it is enough to follow the following tips:

  • Take a child should be as he is, do not impose his own tastes and preferences;
  • It is strictly forbidden to raise a child's voice;
  • Reproach the child with his achievements is impermissible;
  • Punishing a teenager should be done carefully, without taking severe measures;
  • It is necessary to be interested in the child's life carefully, as if by accident;
  • Do not forget about sentiment (hugs and kisses), but their number should be controlled;
  • You need to constantly praise the child and focus on his positive features;
  • You can not force a teenager to do something, you should ask him.

And, most importantly - do not forget that each person is individual and he has his own way and his own destiny.

Perpetual conflict between fathers and children in literature

As already mentioned, this problem is by no means new. The conflict between parents and children is covered by many classics of Russian literature. The most striking example is Ivan Turgenev's novel "Fathers and Sons", the generation conflict in which is described extremely brightly. D. I. Fonvizin wrote a remarkable comedy "Nedorosl", AS Pushkin - the tragedy "Boris Godunov", AS Griboyedov - "Woe from Wit". This problem interests not one generation. Literary works on this topic are only a confirmation of the eternity of the existing conflict and its inevitability.

The problem of generations is unpleasant for both sides. Do not close in the shell and hope for a time that will resolve the conflict of fathers and children. It is worth making concessions, being softer and more attentive. And then the children and parents will have an incredibly warm and trusting relationship.

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